Single mothers have overwhelming spiritual, emotional and physical needs. Yet, Polls show they are one of the least likely groups to attend church. With the type of challenges they face, one would think church is the first place single moms would attend. But single mothers often state they feel "looked down upon". They believe they are stigmatized as being wellfare recipients, loose, and immoral. My question is, is it possible for the church to reach out to single/unwed mothers without condemnation but without condoning anti-biblical principles as well?
Conservative Christians, myself included, believe if we condone negative behaviors, we can only expect more of it. There also is a strong concern over the negative example that is being set for younger girls coming up. But in all fairness, not all single mothers, are parents as a result of premarital sex. Some become single mothers through divorce, abandonment, or death of a husband. There even seems to be a rise in 'by choice' single mothers through adoption or sperm donor programs. I commend those parents (single or not) who are willing to adopt a portion of the thousands of children in need of good loving homes and families. 'By-choice' single mothers will need support, but there are things they, and all other single moms, should understand about this discision. Purposely seeking to conceive and bring children into the world outside the bonds of marriage destroys and usurps the original plan God set in place in regard to the family unit. The institution of marriage is God's wisdom in action, and his holy gift to us for fulfilling sexual desires and bringing children into the world. and raising them . Yes I believe, with hard work and determination single mothers can be effective at parenting, but they can never quite take the place of the missing father. The United States Dpt of Human Services ( a secular based institution) even agrees that fathers provide practical support in raising children and serve as models for their development. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. Committed and responsible fathering during infancy and early childhood contributes emotional security, curiosity, and math and verbal skills.
The Impact of a healthy marriage (Mother-Father Relationship) on child is particularly important. The USDHS goes on to say that "One of the most important influences a father can have on his child is indirect—fathers influence their children in large part through the quality of their relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support.
One of the most important benefits of a positive relationship between mother and father, is the behavior it models for children. Fathers who treat the mothers of their children with respect and deal with conflict within the relationship in an adult and appropriate manner are more likely to have boys who understand how they are to treat women and who are less likely to act in an aggressive fashion toward females. Girls with involved, respectful fathers see how they should expect men to treat them and are less likely to become involved in violent or unhealthy relationships. In contrast, research has shown that husbands who display anger, show contempt for, or who stonewall their wives (i.e., "the silent treatment") are more likely to have children who are anxious, withdrawn, or antisocial"
Regardless of the parents' choices, the children born are the innocent parties in all of this. And they will need the unconditional love, support, and guidance of the church.
Amendment...
No sin, no matter what it is, should be ignored or accepted. The scriptures say however, that we should be compassionate and "gently restore those who have fallen". To answer my own question: Yes, there is definitely a way the church can reach out to those who struggle, teach them without condemnation, but also without ignoring detrimental behavior. We [the church] have to extend to the repentant person, grace and mercy as the father does with us, when we fall short. Now, that doesn't mean we are to allow them to immediately hold office until they have sat under an 'anointed and appointed' shepherd of God. They need to take time to to hear from God and work on not failing in this particular area again, because temptation [their test] is just around the corner. However, as soon as change has manifested within them (spiritual discernment will inform) they can not be held down within the church. They must be allowed to go forward and walk in whatever calling/ministry for which they were ordained.
Simply put, God is an orderly God and there are prescribed ways [in the word] the church is to lovingly win souls, and guide it's flock along this journey we call life.
The purpose of these articles is never to condemn anyone. The intention is to identify and address issues relevant to society and the church, then invite them to share thoughts and possible solutions to the problem.
